


Phantom Pain

by Cynesige (Srusti)



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comrades as Octane says, Developing Friendships, Dimension Travel, Gen, I tryed really hard to, No Romance, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, or just trying to be friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:15:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24411904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Srusti/pseuds/Cynesige
Summary: First, you lose your sense of where. Then you lose your sense of humanity. At last, you lose your sense of self. Don't think too much, or there is a risk of auto-destruction. Hope is the last thing you can possibly lose."I'm not losing this game." If I sit still, the end is imminent.
Kudos: 6





	1. Haha… what?

**Author's Note:**

> If I have anyone to blame, then it's my online best friend. He made me play the game and now I can't stop thinking about it. I have never played Titanfall (1 or 2), so if any discrepancies appear here, I apologize. I'm reading everything I can about this universe to compensate.
> 
> No beta because my updates are sporadic and I can't have a poor soul put up with my messy schedule. Readers, if you want to help, please point out some error you find through message.
> 
> Hope we have a good ride together! Please enjoy.

Since I was little, my dear mama always told me to be careful of what I wish for. Those things have power even if being just a thought for the most part. You could say I learned the lesson when my little brother, who got lost while I was the one looking after him, appeared some minutes later back to the playground with a responsible adult. That was the time I stopped wishing for him to disappear because deep down the possibility of losing him was actually terrifying. The experience from not knowing where he had gone to, well, it was a feeling of panic I didn’t want to last for more than some minutes like that day.

“Where are you going?”

The teenager scoffed at me, going back to tying his shoelaces. “Bro, chill. I’m just visiting Mark since he got the new game I want. We will just play and hang out at his house, maybe I can convince him to lend me the game for a few days.” 

That smile, I’m sure he will try anything to get his hands on the stupid Space horror game.

“I won’t cover you up if you come back late. Again.” I said and a whine came from him automatically.

“Oh come on! Just this once?”

“That’s what you said last time. You’re lucky mom was too tired to notice your absence after supper. No, point.”

“Say what, I’ll let you have the PC privilege for a week. I won’t nag or annoy you while you play.”

I crossed my arms, actually thinking about it. Because damn, he was incredibly annoying when he wanted to play his games and I was the one on the way. I’m not an avid gamer myself but I do enjoy playing from time to time.

“Ok, deal. But don’t press your luck and try to come home before 1 AM.” I warned, but it probably went through one ear and out from the other. He smiled and tapped my shoulder before leaving the front door saying ‘thank you’. I am 20 years old now, but when I was 16 I didn’t cause so much headache for our mother like Erick. Sometimes I wonder if it’s from his father he took that troublemaker energy.

I sighed, turning around and going to my brothers’ room. I’ll have to make it seem like he’s in bed for when mom comes home from work. While I wait, one game won’t hurt. Ha, figures, he left a bunch of tabs open. Let’s make this an opportunity to play his games. I’ll start with his favourite.

“Apex Legends. What was his level? Wow, 413. And I’m here proud of almost achieving level 100 on my account.”

While the server searched for a game of trio to put me in, I browsed through his characters. Revenant is his most played legend recently, but I can see he is a fan of Octane to have this amount of legendary skins.

Game found.

“I’ll go Pathfinder. Oh! War Machine skin? Sweet! I dream of having this on my account. Wait, there’s only me on the team? Is the server crashing again or did my teammates disconnect? Shit, I’ll have to solo trios.”

Did the screen freeze? What is-

* * *

_Dropship approaching King’s Canyon in five minutes. Preparations for the drop are now allowed._

There were people talking over this feminine but robotic voice. People in front of me and on both of my sides. Everyone taking off what looks like safety belts inside a plane, well it does look like a military craft from the insides. I looked around. Why am I here?

“Oh man, we are finally at the Finals! We have to win!” The young caucasian man on my left said looking to whom I presumed to be me, but the gigantic man on my right responded him as if there wasn’t someone between the two.

“The prize is ours. I don’t care much about the opportunity the Syndicate is offering, the money they are giving to the winner is enough for me.” I faced forward when the bulgy man frowned at me. He looks like someone who was sentenced to prison for drug trafficking or something. Well, most of the people around me do look like ruffians. What is this place?

“What about the MRVN?” The brownish eyes on the left looked dryly at me. “This is his first match, he will only get on our way. Man, your owner must have the cash to put you straight to the finals, uh.” The black ones on my right seemed… I feel like they bore into me as if I was a waste of space. A nuisance.

“What is-”

_The Drop will commence in 10 seconds._

As the ominous voice said that, cutting my attempt to ask my whereabouts to anyone, the back of the plane I presumed we were in opened and a strong wind crashed into everyone. I’m not afraid of heights, but jumping from a plane was something I never envisioned doing in my life. Outside was bright, the light of the sun strong to my unprepared eyes. But they adjusted to it rather fast and I could faintly see the landscape from where I was still sitting. It looks a lot like-

“Hey, Marvin! Get up already if you don’t want to be left behind!” Someone screamed on my left and there was little time to take in what the man said over the noisy wind. My first reaction was to say that my name wasn’t Marvin, but my right arm was grabbed and pulled until I was at the edge of the death fall. All words left me when I saw the faraway gound. The suicidal youngster who I came to familiarize in the couple minutes of disorienting consciousness jumped off. His friend shortly after, some type of jet suit activating on his lower back.

“Oi! There are people behind you!”

That was the only warning I received before being kicked out into my imminent death.

I screamed. I’m sure of it. I screamed and hailed as my brain tried to make sense of what was happening, how did this happen and most importantly: Is this something I can wake up from? Is this some sort of nightmare? The last thing I remember is opening the game of Respawn, then next is this moment where it appears I am on some sort of Apex game!

In some point in time, I finished screaming, or perhaps I stoped hearing myself. The fact was that the ground was rapidly approaching and that I could see people landing without becoming a fresh pulp of blood and bones. It felt like it wasn’t me who was acting, but someone was possessing my body as I copied the way to safely land on the ground. Once my feet could feel the pressure of supporting my body, I heard gunshots. There is someone screaming, then the sound of a gun shooting making them stop. Then it’s someone else’s voice who cry for mercy and the process continues. This is the sound of collective murder.

I start running to hide. Turn to the left, there’s someone with a gun. To the right, another one. Entering some type of room and closing the door behind me, I see a pistol with a box of ammo on the ground. Grabbing it, my eyes notice something for the first time.

Those… are not my hands. They aren’t hands at all. Iron claws? Robotic appendages, white polished metal. All my body… Is made of metal. I tapped, the sound just makes it even more clear that the flesh was replaced by ore. The ringing in my ears turns everything into silence, an absence of the sound and feeling my heart beating inside me is…

A kick on the door and I’m already turning around, aiming for the one behind it. With a shattering noise the door breaks, they don’t have a second and the triggered is pulled. In seconds the once alive hit the ground dead. Blood from his head everywhere.

I killed. I took a life.

My hands, no, those things are shaking. The pistol is on the ground and so am I. Some explosions and firing are still going in the background, my vision only able to look at the men who were killed in front of me. By me. A part of me, the one that is probably an instinct of every living creature, is shouting for me to run. That it’s not safe to stay here. But my legs won’t move. This is just too much! I wasn’t! I didn’t mean! God, please listen to me!

_**Ring-closing in four minutes.** _

Okay, okay. Apex games. Apex legends. You can revive people. Grab the banner, oh wait, he didn’t even drop a death-box. So he’s really…

No one is coming after him, there is no point if you can’t respawn your allies. Do I have allies? Maybe those guys from before were my teammates? They sure were sticking together. Ah, but they left me. I was the tin-can who was on their way. Then I’ll probably die. Is it okay to die? Will I really even die? I don’t feel cold. The feeling of throwing up left as soon as it came, there is no sign of hyperventilating. It does look like my body is overheating though if the steam is anything to prove that.

I’m not human anymore. And yet somehow, I still don’t want to die. Not here, not now, not ever! If this is selfish or something else I don’t care. I will survive, long enough to know what happened to me, to know if this is something I will wake up from. Please, God, let me wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could say this isn't smooth. But, oh well, I don't think this kind of situation can be smooth for most people. Thank you for reading.


	2. Oh...

**_“This is your Apex Champions.”_ **

That snapped me from my trance from looking at the corpses littering the muddy ground around me. Luck saved me countless times, while the knowledge of the terrain helped to be the final one standing. The grapple helped used only in dire situations. And contrary to my expectations, there weren’t much team fights for me to run from. Usually, a duo or someone alone crossed my path and we fought. Greed must have made them turn on each other as the ring got smaller and smaller from the passing minutes.

Like, that guy for example.

_“Hey! Marvin! Cough.” The familiar rough face coughed blood, his big arms trying to keep him from laying down on the ground. “Help me, will ya? We are from the same team after all.” The blood on his teeth made his smile unable to cover the sly personality of his._

_“If I help you… I’ll only get in your way, won’t I?”_

_“What? No! Hey, where are you going! You little shit!”_

He was bleeding so much. No doubt I left him to die back there, somehow it doesn’t weight so much on my consciousness like the others I put a bullet through them. I also didn’t see that other guy, maybe he didn’t get a good start, uh. Strange to think I’m the one who killed his killer, or someone who killed him was killed by someone I killed...

With a strange loud sound, one of the aircraft I’ve never seen before approach the ground for a clean and steady landing. The air blowing so fervently, making dust and small debris fly into me. If I could smell, maybe this would have relived the noxious copper coming from this gore around here.

From the back, a ramp smacked the floor while a figure made it’s way out. A woman in a black suit, very stern looking with uncaring brown eyes and short black hair. She didn’t stop walking until a good two meters in front of me.

“Congratulations on winning. You will now be relocated, restabilized and the reward for this game will be given to you. Do you have any questions or requests as of now?”

Her voice was monotonous, I couldn’t read any emotions from her face. She didn’t bat an eye to the dead bodies and her composure was the same as a high ranking secretary of a company. Her necktie, bearing the Apex symbol, confirms to whom she works for. This must be something she’s already used to.

“If there is nothing, please accompany me.” Turning around, the lady walked back to the only way out from here. “Weapons are not allowed inside the aircraft.” She said, not even looking back at me. But I’m the only one here she could be talking to.

Stopping on my tracks, I notice the death grip I held on the pistol from my right hand. This killed to save my life, it made me feel a little safe between the chaos of which I was thrown into. When I left it on the ground, the back of my head felt cold. Surprising, as I couldn’t feel the temperature or the texture of things now. Everything became a simple solid or not solid, heavy or light.

So this is how I feel uneasy now.

The woman of unknown name took a seat and buckled up in preparation of the fly and so did I, a good amount of distance between us. Once the heavy momentum from the taking off finished, the plane stabilized and it felt like flying in an economic class plane back home. If I closed my eyes. Or whatever has become of them. And I can’t blink. No, more like, I don’ t need to blink.

Waving my hand in front of me, I finally note that my sight comes from the four openings in my face. Trying to block all of them at once is hard, it seems. And my hands are disgusting. Blood mixed with dirt and metal. Well, it’s made of metal now. I’m made of metal now.

I shake my head, ridding myself from my own thoughts and focusing on something else.

“Where are we going?” I asked, cringing at how my voice sounds for the second time today. So wrong and robotic, I hated it.

Before answering me, my only companion took a small glass-like cellphone and started typing on it. “Second Medical Facility Bateman, there you will be checked for any anomalies on your system.” Those eyes snatched to me before she finished speaking, holding her attention to me and starting to type again.

I wanted to ask more, but it didn’t seem like she was going to answer them with the good of heart. Something told me not to trust her, not entirely, as she didn’t seem to care to trust me herself. I can see that on her posture and how she looks towards myself.

My knowledge about the lore of the game is minimal. My memories can’t be recalled without some distorted screaming face appearing. I did kill people just some hours ago. No, focus. Let’s summarize this, I can’t trust the people who host this… bloodsport game. The only ones I know something about are the Legends, of which I didn’t see yet. I’m not sure if I’m even inside the Apex universe I know of, so how am I to tell if all this is just something alike? Everything is such a mess. I’m going to suppose I am specifically where the game takes place. Some years in the future from my world or Earth doesn't exist here and I’m displaced on another reality. Still, no clue why I’ve become War Machine Pathfinder. It couldn’t be just because it’s the skin of the character I was going to play, could it?

Ugh, there would have been a headache already if my brain wasn’t just a bunch of wires and RAM. It’s probably more complicated than that, I don’t know what the fuck I’m made of or what I’m thinking anymore.

 _“Final Approach. Hold on tight.”_ The pilot said through his intercom, making his two passengers prepare for the landing.

After arriving on land, Ms. Idc took the lead and brought me to the building beside the heliport. Very clean and not that tall, more like a clinic than a hospital as I had expected. I guess there is no need to be bigger since there aren’t many patients coming back from Kings Canyon.

We passed the man behind the front desk on the entrance to an elevator. There are only three floors and we are going to the last one at the top. Instead of opening the glass door to a corridor, there is just a single door where it read _EnD Doctor Ochieng_ in carved letters.

With two knocks the lady opened the door and entered. Were they acquaintanced with each other or was she just rude? I don’t care anymore, my nerves are already on the edge because someone is going to check on this robotic body of mine.

Inside there are metal tables with robotic equipment all over them. There is just one person inside, tolling with a big… something. This looks more like a junkyard than a doctor office, seeing as the floor is dirty with iron powder and some cables.

With the sound of someone clearing their throat, the man notices the two of us standing near him.

“Oh! You came faster than I anticipated, Elis.” He said standing up and smiling cheerily.

“I’m sure you received my note of arrival, Doctor Ochieng.” Responded Elis, cold as always it seems. It didn’t faze the tall man who was putting on a white lab coat left at the seat, contrasting his dark skin and shirt.

He laughed at her. “Okay then, I will notify when it’s over and send him to you. So please, wait at the hall.” Making a shoo gesture with both hands, I could almost feel the annoyance radiating beside me.

Giving a small nod the now known Elis left, closing the door behind her with a loud noise. Maybe she does feel things but tries to hide it or this guy can easily get under someone’s skin. Turning to look at him again, he doesn’t seem like a bad fella from the way his eyes smile together with his mouth.

“Aye, thanks for winning.” Ochieng tapped my shoulder before crossing his arms. “It’s not that frequent that I get the chance to actually do my job. Not like I don’t enjoy working on my own hobbies or anything, but, you know, I don’t receive that much money for them when compared to fixing up a Legend.”

Taking a step back, the man starts looking all over me. Very awkward if he didn’t talk.

“Pathfinder is used to repairing himself, only coming to me if it’s something really bad. Although I do take pride in teaching him a thing or another. Ah, excuse me.” He grabbed my left arm and I flinched, not afraid of him doing something but the strange contact. I can’t feel his skin like my mind anticipated, that startled me. The doctor doesn’t seem to notice my tick, his eyes focused on my side

“I did have to create some replicas of Octane’s legs. He tends to damage them a lot, blowing himself up with frag grenades…” Passing under my arm, he holds my shoulders in place and looks over something on them. “The other legends don’t need me. If it’s about their equipment, they don’t let anyone touch it.”

I hear a heavy sight and something pull. A feeling like your hair being tugged from behind, but it came from my shoulder? Trying to look over to see him, Ochieng seems to ponder about something while holding his chin. After nodding to himself, he goes back to the worktable he was working previously.

“Revenant, well,” Looking at me only to shrug, he turns back to his tools as if a point was made. “Don’t want to die trying to help him when he clearly doesn’t need me.”

Picking some pliers and what looks like a hammer, Ochieng smile at me. I worry about this smile, he seems too eager to do something.

“Do not worry, I’ll just loosen the tension on your grapple cord. If left the way it is, it will become too loose later on.” Without waiting for an answer, he passed me in a flash and start working on my… grapple cord. I don’t feel pain or discomfort, but being poked and pushed repeatedly is a bit annoying. If everything he has been telling is true, then there isn’t a reason for him to do anything bad to me. His eagerness to help is more likely from what he said about working, but besides that, there isn’t a reason to feel too much on guard against Ochieng.

It could be he’s being friendly to me because that’s how he naturally is, or those smiles came from a good actor hiding his true intentions. If he is acting, what is he hiding? “Such good materials, you are really expensive! To ornament an MRVN like this, what a mad lad. Not to talk about your processors! To win a game alone, you must have heavy modifications to process fights and confrontations.” I don’t think he’s hiding anything.

Something snaps and my left arm ease with my shoulders. I hear a hum before Ochieng show himself in front of me, finger tapping on his chin.

“However, it’s strange how much you resemble Pathfinder in some aspects. Hmm…” Tilting his head from one side to another, his eyes continue to analyse my body. This makes me hold my hands together as I feel nervous and anxious about his staring. He’s right to suspect me from having the same characteristic of Pathfinder, I became like him in some kind of way. If I were to look exactly like him, what would have happened then? Would I even have survived the game with so many people knowing I look like an Apex Legend?

No, I would’ve been hunt down.

“Hey, do you have any problems talking? It’s unusual to have an MRVN so quiet when I talk. Your screen also doesn’t seem broken.”

His finger pokes my chest, where my mentioned monitor is. I grab to make him stop. I forgot about its existence, looking down at it, it’s just a blank grey colour. “I’m fine.” Is the only thing I say to placate the doctor from probing on me any further.

“Nice to hear that. Well! I’m done. There weren’t many repairs you needed.” He says that while taking his tools and some bullets from his pockets. Did he take those out from me? I didn’t feel them, being made of metal and all. If I was still flesh, how much pain would I be? I remember the pain of breaking my arm, but having a bullet inside you is another level. It’s something made to hurt, kill. Obviously, that will hurt more than just breaking a bone.

“And remember to clean yourself. Blood isn’t a good smell.” Ochieng, who was already at the door, pointed out. I missed something he said, thinking about pain and my inhuman capacity for it presently. He opened the door, showing my way out of his office. Passing him I see that the elevator is already there. Pushing the button for me, the man wave goodbye while I descend back to the ground floor.

Before the glass doors even open, I can see Elis. She doesn’t look so indifferent as I remember, staring at me with a slight frown on her thin eyebrows.

I’m sure, whatever she is about to say isn’t good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming next: Pathfinder and his friends!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Hope to see you in the next chapter!


End file.
